Growing Up With God and Sharing It With You

As I said in the beginning of this year, I sensed the Spirit leading me to share more of my personal walk of faith with you for the intended purpose of helping you with your walk of faith. I can't say that I enjoy doing this, because it requires me to expose those areas of me that I would rather keep hidden. It exposes weaknesses in me that I wished were not there, but wishing won't help me one bit, but transformation by the power of the Holy Spirit will. As He reveals things to me that need change, I'm responsible to accept what He is showing me and then doing it. My sharing this with you is a part of that change that the Spirit is working in me.

As you know, I returned home from South Africa a few weeks ago and my spirit has been very alive since the first day I set foot in Africa. It's hard to explain, but I have just been more sensitive to the voice of the Spirit and He has been pouring revelation into me concerning the Kingdom of God. I've become more aware of the Kingdom and how we are to live in the Kingdom (by faith) and by what principles we live by there and the language that is used in the Kingdom. Do you know what the language of the Kingdom of God is? It's the Word of God. You speak the Word in the Kingdom and whatever that word declares will come to pass if it comes forth from a heart of faith. The worlds language will not work in the Kingdom of God. For many years I tried to live in the Kingdom with the world's language on (fear, doubt, unbelief,unloving, uncaring, etc.) on my tongue and I couldn't understand why I was having such little success in my walk of faith. Then God led me to Joshua 1:8 and I got my first glimpse of what it takes to live successfully in the Kingdom of God.

I shared all that with you to let you know that I've been at a great place with God ever since the trip and He keeps revealing new things to me. I should know by now that when I get in this good place with God, the devil will show up and try to put a stop to it and I shamefully say that he has been more successful at this in the past than I would like to admit.

Without going into too much detail, yesterday was the day the devil showed up. I've been growing leaps and bounds in my faith of late, and the devil was ready to do to me what he has always done to me in the past and that is to get me offended over something and that is exactly that strategy he used once again.

I got an email from my Pastor that was addressed to me and a small group of other people who are involved in the healing prayer ministry at my church. This ministry was birthed from my Pastor's heart a little over a year ago. This particular church is very young in it's growth in the areas of the Gifts of the Spirit and Healing, so this was a big step for them. Because of my background and how God has trained me these last 30 years, I had a full heart of believeing God for Healing and Miracales and immediately felt called of God to help lead in this new ministry at our church. I was excited about it and enjoyed doing it. It gave me the opportunity to teach and minister to the sick and we've seen God do some wonderful things over this past year.

But this email came the day before our next healing prayer time saying that the format of the meeting will change and that a new Pastor to our church will now be leading the healing prayer meeting, with the hope that those of us that are on the rotating schedule of leading these meetings would still be there to follow this Pastor's lead.

It was like an arrow was shot right through my heart and I immediately took that email very personal. I could feel the anger rising in me (and as soon as I felt it, I knew better, for I knew it's source) and I got offended. I can't tell you how many times the devil has done this to me and up till now it has worked every time, and I would experience a serious set back in my walk of faith and become useless in the Kingdom of God (which was the devil's object all along).

Well here I am full of faith and revelation of the Kingdom and the devil assaults me and has his way with me and I'm just about to jump on my computer and fire an email back to my Pastor and give him a piece of my mind. I was already starting to feel good by thinking of what I was going to say to him. I was determined to serve my notice to this ungrateful man and quit. (Just exactly what the devil wanted all along). But the Spirit of God had enough of my heart to stop me from doing this so I just sat around most of the day and spewed to myself and kept enlarging this whole thing. Finally God got my attention that evening and began to minister to me. It helped, but I still went to bed out of sorts.

I arose this morning and the devil was waiting for me to open my eyes, and as soon as I did, here he came again with that accusing tone and started to rile me all up again. But I had enough sense to grab my Bible and get before God and His word. He began to minister to me by telling me to look up the word "offended" in my concordance which I did. As I looked at the word, it began to minister to me (this is the purpose of the Word). I softened and began to hear the voice of the Lord. He painted the whole picture for me. I saw Satan's every move and his intent for it. Then God had me lay my eyes on Matt 15:14 and He spoke to me loud and clear through the first three words of that verse. It says,"Let them alone". Now that might not do much for you, but you should of heard that in the ears of my spirit. It was strong and it jolted me and I experienced that fear of God that is so necessary for the Believer to have a right relationship with God Almighty.

Those three words deflated all the stored up anger in me and left me feeling breathless and totally ashamed of myself and what God told me next even made it worse (for the moment). He said, "this is the first time you have listened to Me when being attacked by your adversary the devil when he has come against you this way. You've always given into your flesh but this time you have followed My Spirit". On one hand I felt bad for the fact that I've always failed at this in the past, but I then immediately felt encouraged from the fact that I had finally given way to the leading of the Spirit concerning this type of attack. Then God said one more thing to me. It was the healing balm I needed. He said, " now because you have chosen My way for responding to this trial, you have now become more useful to Me for I can now trust you with more of the things within My Kingdom", and I must say that truly pleased my soul.

So I stand here before you all, having shared this struggle of mine with you, knowing what I must look like in some of yours sight. But I came out of this the better for it, and I pray that it helps some of you as well, for we are not ignorant of the devil's devices.

For me, I'm pressing on. I'm at a new place with God today. A place I've never been before, and I like it. You'll find me tonight at the Healing Prayer Meeting with a new and fresh anointing and a determination to tread on the devil's head, for that is where you will find him, under my feet, where he belongs.

Pray for me!!